Friday, January 3, 2014

My Prayer for the New Year: 2014

Below is an entire comment from a blog comment section- after the post, “Outlawed Grief, a Curse Disguised,” by Jonathan Trotter on December 22, 2013  http://www.alifeoverseas.com/outlawed-grief-a-curse-disguised/
        
This blog was re-posted on Facebook by one of our missionary friends in Malawi. I read it and found it insightful and thought provoking. It is written by a missionary oversees and the post is compelling. If you have a moment, please read the blog. Making such steps as we have by putting our ‘Yes’ on the table for Him and allowing Him to put us where He wants us on the map, comes with great thought to me about our kids and their life. This comment from a mission kid stood out to me. In my heart, I have been praying and pondering about our children as we take this quest of forsaking it all and following God’s will and how it will affect them- is our faith, their faith? Or are they just being swept along without a choice or voice? I will trust that the Lord will be glorified in our children's lives and by our decision to be obedient to what He has called us too. Yet, it has been difficult. And it is hard to put in tangible words how. Most people think that the hardest thing to do is giving up the material life, by selling all and living on a shoestring budget to prepare. It is true. Our kids are not in any activities outside of school purposely. We downsized our living environment and gave up ownership of a home. Letting go of dreams are rough, but absolutely freeing at the same time when doing so for the case of Christ. Such a strange dichotomy and thrilling as well, to know that we are choosing God’s life for us and not us choosing our life. In doing so, there will be hardships, consequences and difficulty. Choosing the road of Christ is a lonely one and in it is ‘grief’ that the article spoke too.  But, sometimes the hardest things to give up are the unknown. The ‘how will this affect our children part.’ As a mom, this hits the core of my parenting heart.
The premise of my post is to address the comment below in an open letter to my children. As we embark on this God adventure, my heart aches for them. I choose God, I pray for them in this adventure, that they may see HIM ultimately. Here is the comment that was left after the post:

·         I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to join this discussion. On one hand, I'm a missionary kid. I know this grief. On the other, I'm not a Christian. And my comment isn't entirely relevant. But I think I will tell the story anyway, and leave the judging to you.
When I was five or thereabouts my parents moved us overseas. It was frightening. I didn't understand why we had to go there when there were people who
needed help right here. But I made some friends, and for a while things weren't so bad. The tectonic plates, as you say, didn't begin to shift till I was in my mid-teens and we took a furlough to the States.
I was so jealous of the people there, who had things I had wanted and didn't know I had wanted. Not just particular foods and good infrastructure and a semi-stable government, but schools with teachers who could be relied upon to reappear the next year, families who saw each other regularly, friends who lived in the same neighborhood and had known each other their entire life, and silly things like media in English and wall-to-wall carpeting and dishwashers.
When we returned in our umpteenth move to our umpteenth house overseas, I was angry. Without any outlet, all that jealousy and anger and yes, grief, turned into depression. I was grieving the life I would never have because of my parents' calling, the friends I had lost and the loneliness I imposed on myself for fear of losing more. I didn't know how to cope. My parents were often busy, and would give me lines like, "Living here is good for you! It's something few other people ever get to experience. When you get older and look back on this time, you'll be grateful for what you learned here." Their comments were well meant, but they didn't know the depth of my pain, and I wasn't very good at explaining it to them. I didn't - don't - understand why God would do this to me. Why the process had to hurt so bad. What benefit it could ever serve. And that was when the carefully cultivated faith of my family broke in me.
My parents were somewhat right. I look back at that dark time and am thankful for what I learned about my own mind and the motivations of others. I wouldn't be who I am, have the skills that I do without it. But deep down, I have never forgiven my parents for their faith, for their insistence on following it. For their prioritization of it over me. I know that's wrong, but it's also true, even if I despair of its truth.
I still grieve the possibilities lost, even if I don't do so publicly. I'm afraid that those around me would see it as inappropriate, after so much time and so many benefits from the chosen path. I think my parents think that I'm reconciled with it all. I wouldn't want to hurt them with my pain.
I write all this because in the stories below, I don't see one quite like mine. It's good to have a variety of perspectives from which to make a conclusion, whatever that conclusion might be. And the anonymity of the internet is a good place to do so.

Wow…when I read it, my heart hurt for this individual and for his parents- and I prayed... And I prayed for them, and for our family. Because this is an example of a family following God’s call and the reality and result of it.- a missionary kid who is not a Christian and quite bitter and resentful for the upbringing and life experience. While I do not know who this person is or where this commentator grew up, lived and what they experienced, it is exactly what nags at me at night. 
Our children may possess the title and consequences of a 'third culture kid,' which has it's own issues. And I trust God to lead us to negotiate the parenting waters of such issues.
While we are not going overseas, we are choosing a life of simplicity that pales in comparison to my children’s peers. We are uprooting them from what they know. In our town, most kids have the newest technology- I phone 5’s, I pads, abundance of material goods: Ugg boots, Miss Me Jeans, designer purses, leather jackets, Access to disposable income: travel to exotic locations for the holidays, multiple activities for each child to make them the best at their craft,- and I am sure in a few years, their peers will not have to pay for their first cars, or their college or …. ~Choices~…bottom line we all have choices. And Mike and I are choosing to ‘FAITH’- Forsake All I Trust Him- and for us Christ is enough. And at their precious age, they are too whether they realize it or not. So I am writing an open letter to Elise and Gracie…

To my Girls, my heartbeats: I have a prayer for this New Year of 2014- and a few thoughts:
There is a Way in this world that is the right way to your daddy and me. It is the road less traveled, but it is the right way and it is the Lord’s Way. You were placed in this family to be a blessing, and the road we will travel may take you down paths that your friends will not understand, but there is One that made you, designed you, and loves you. Trust in HIM, even when it doesn't make sense (Proverbs 3:5-6), internalize and live it that Jesus is enough. My prayer is that when this stuff in the world tries to distract you, that in the end you will discover like Solomon, that in the end it doesn't matter. We can have all the stuff in the world and still be the most unhappy person in the world, see current list of teenage stars in the news. Please know God fills the void this life has to offer- that His Way is always the best. Chasing the American Dream will in the end be fruitless. I pray you chase HIS dream for your life because He has a plan for you, I pray you ask Him what it is. As Steve Saint (Nate Saint's son- see "End of the Spear") told you personally a few years ago, "Let God write your story!" I pray you understand that there is a sovereign God in control of this earth and in control of your destiny. I pray that when you are sad, you can come to me and we can talk, or just cry, or just be silent. And know that we will pray about your troubles or hardships. Know I love you so much, but that God loves you more, that I love you enough to pray for your spiritual, physical, social and mental life. I pray that you understand agape love and experience it in this life of loving your neighbor or family as yourself. And that may motivate your life and saturate your being. I pray that you won’t see moving as a loss, but as a gain in so many ways. I pray you are able to see this as an adventure and not count the cost. I pray that this move in our life to follow the will of God will allow you to stand on our shoulders of faith and that you will accomplish more for the LORD than thought possible. I pray that you come to know the goodness of the LORD and see HIM at work and know that there is freedom in HIM that this world will never offer. I pray you see the power of prayer and a personal relationship with Him. I pray you develop deep godly friendships and find a purpose for your life through HIM. Mostly, I pray that you find a life that will glorify the LORD as you grow. I love you so much and am praying for you. May we all see God at work in mighty ways and thank Him for allowing us to join Him this year. Romans 8:28- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purpose." I am so thankful for both of you. God made you both so wonderfully made! I love you.
Mom